I'm not sure if I am going to post this, but if you are reading it then I guess I did.

I look at my life right now, and I am so blessed. I have a wonderful husband who loves me more than anything. 4 Beautiful children who are healthy, happy and always make me smile. Awesome friends, a big beautiful house, the gospel in my life, food on the table, a husband who provides for our family so that I can stay at home with our children, etc., etc. I could really go on forever, but that's not what this post is about.

I love my family and my friends out here in PA a lot.

For my birthday last year I got to go out to WA to see my parents and my brothers. My sisters live in Utah and I have not seen them in over 2 years. It has been a while since I've seen anyone in my family that I grew up with and I am just missing them. No particular reason, I guess with my birthday just a few days away and recently catching up with some friends that I grew up with I am thinking about my childhood.

We live where Benj grew up. The Primary President in our ward was Ben's Primary President when he was a kid. His mom is just 15 minutes away. Although we don't see her that much, she is still there, just a quick jump in the car and your there. His dad and Sue are about 45 minutes away. Not as close, but 45 minutes is nothing. Especially compared to a 5 hour or longer flight (not including the layover) across the country with a cost at over $300 for just me. 7 of Benj's siblings live out here, which I love, and I am so glad that they do.

I just wish I got to see mine more often. I know many people have this same feeling, in fact I think Elizabeth is feeling the same way right now. We can't have it all and I know that. I don't want to sound ungrateful for what I have because I am VERY GRATEFUL. I know I have such a wonderful life, so don't think I am saying that I don't. I do and I am thankful.

I just wish, that once, my parents, Tracee, Capri, Troy, Brandon, Todd, me, and All of our families could be together in the same room. I can't even think of the last time that happened. In fact I don't think that is has since Todd and I have been married. That's sad. But I know that we all grow up and our families get bigger and bigger, and it's just hard to get everyone together.

I love my nieces and nephews here so much, and I am so glad that we can all get together and let the kids play. I just wish that Bethanee, Nicolas Jonathan and Zac could spend time and play with Kaelee, Nikki, Jer, Kenna, Lexee, Josh, Lauren, Jamison, Kate, Nathan, Tyler, Kali and Tallan once in a while. I took Zac with me last year when I went to WA and he and Tallan had a blast! They shared with each other better than I have ever seen 2 kids share. Now they are both 2 and talking up a storm and I just know that they would be thick as thieves.

I guess that's all I really have to say. I'm just sad right now.........

I'm sure that I will feel better tomorrow. It's Halloween, one of my favorite Holidays. But then again, holidays just make me think of my family even more.

Halloween~ Todd and I would always get pillowcases FULL of candy. As soon as we got home we would dump our treats out and do our "trade!" I'd give him his favorites and he would give me mine. We had so much fun together on this Holiday.
Thanksgiving~ Memories full of mom in the kitchen cooking and me out in the family room with my dad and brothers watching the Cowboys beat the 49ers.
Christmas~ Every year all 6 of us kids would sleep in the same room on Christmas Eve. My older siblings would make it so fun for Todd and me, pretending they heard reindeer on the roof, or Santa. My dad telling us where Santa is every hour on the hour. "Santa just crossed the Atlantic and is in NY now!" Or driving around on Christmas Eve, as a family, looking at all the beautiful Christmas lights, listening to carols, laughing and singing along.
Valentines day & St. Patricks day~ My mom would ALWAYS have a little goodie box for each of us. Filled with candy and prizes, themed to that holiday. My mom made every holiday special, and made me feel special as well.
Easter~ My mom would hide our baskets and we'd go on a little hunt outside or around the house. When we got older she still did that. She'd put the candy in big baggies with our names on them and hide them. I loved that. And she would always get me a white chocolate bunny, because she new I didn't like chocolate that much, but loved white chocolate.
4th of July~ 4th of July on the lake. That's all I have to say. 4th of July on the lake will be missed by ALL of us.

I don't know if you all understand what I'm saying, I could just be rambling on and not making much sense.

I do love living in PA, this is where the lord wants us. I love my friends and family out here. If I were to move back west I know that there are many that I would miss soooo much.

I want what I can't have. My family here and my family out west to all be together.

Their is nothing like Your family. I have so many wonderful memories of them over these past ........ almost...... 28 years. Wow, that's crazy.
Mom & Dad~ Thank you for always building me up, and making me feel like the best, the smartest, the most beautiful daughter ever. Dad, I miss those daddy daughter dances, and all the times we hung out together. Next to Benj, you were the Best Date ever! Mom, I miss our "dates" as well. Getting our hair and nails done, going shopping, or staying in doing puzzles and watching a movie.
Tracee~ I miss hanging out with you at your old house in Puyallup. I'm come over after work, and we'd just talk and talk.
Capri~ Cheer leading with you and all of your friends and a Tahoma football game. Even though I am 10 years younger than you (sorry to put the age in, but no one would be able to tell, your so beautiful!) you have always treated me like your best friend, even when I was 7 and you were 17, you'd let me hang out with you and your friends, you were never "to cool" for me. Thank you for that.
Troy~ "Mr. Miagee" Ha ha! Need I say more? I would be half the athlete I am today... or was in my hay day, if it weren't for you. Thanks for teaching me how to be "cool" and wear my soccer shorts on my hips, and not my waist. I was 5, but you can never start to early!
Brandon~You taught me how to be athletic in the water and on the snow. Remember "Board Stiff" up at the pass? You could have taken any of your buddies, but you took me and my friend Kelli, to see Real Big Fish, one of my favorite bands (at the time, but I still like 'em) What could be better than snowboarding and a concert all at the same time!
Todd~ Thanks for being my voice when I didn't have one. Thank you for always sticking up for me and being on my side. Thanks for giving a 5 year old a bloody nose when you were 3 and I was 2 when he pushed me down!........ I miss my "twin."

So to Mom & Dad, Tracee, Capri & Craig, Troy &Lori, Brandon & Nancy, Todd & Brooke, I love you guys. I miss you more than you know. I hope to see you all soon. That may not be realistic, but I still wish for it all the same. I'm glad some of you are on facebook and I can see picture's of you and your cute families. But I still wish the rest of you would get on, or start a blog.

To be honest I feel a little better now. Just getting it all out. Thinking of all the memories makes me smile, and it is those moments that I will hold on to and cherish.